It's Memorial Day weekend. As a child this weekend was filled with cutting irises in my grandpa Llewellyn's garden and making arrangements for my sister's and great grandparent's graves, having a barbeque with all my cousins, and once or twice Zac dumping buckets of water on me in the cemetery. Now we just buy mums, and there doesn't seem to be as much heart put into the cemetery part of the holiday anymore, even though we will still have a BBQ/water slide party at my mom's.
But I can't help but feel a little depressed by this holiday this year. I don't know what it is. Maybe it is that my dad is edging closer to the age of when my grandpa Llewellyn died, maybe it is seeing my only living grandparents are getting well past their prime and I am finally seeing them as elderly for the first time in my life, maybe it is the constant worry I have for my wonderful in-law's health. I just know I don't feel all that excited for this holiday to come. I keep thinking that in a matter of years I will be taking flowers to a headstone with one of my parent's names on it, and I just can't bear the thought. Apparently this upcoming visit to the cemetery has made my dad's current arthritis battle in his hands bring too much reality into my life, especially since my grandpa died of complications from arthritis and his hands were so bad right before he died. Either way, I feel depressed about the whole thing. (And yes, sweet husband, I am on my vitamin P.)
4 comments:
I didn't know your sister died.
I'm sorry you are feeling down. I hope you find something fun to celebrate this weekend.
But doesn't it make you feel better to write out what you feel?? I love blogging.
I feel the same way a little. My parents are both getting much older and I see it more often lately. I do not look forward to the day when they'll pass on. In fact I can't even think about it. Try to have a fun Memorial Weekend though and celebrate all the wonderful lifes around you!
Thanks guys. I think I am just super stressed about my dad. He is only 54, but with the arthritis, smoking, and occasional drink, I just don't know if he will make it to 60. It has always been my worst fear and I hate seeing him in so much pain.
However, it will be a great memorial day, if the allergies don't do me in :)
Pump the brakes my dear! Let's give him a bit more credit. If there's anything I know about D.L. it's that he's too damn tough to go anywhere.
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