So Much

My blogging has been pretty scarce. There has been so much going on....not really anything that prevents me from blogging, but lots nonetheless. About 2 weeks ago I found out I have celiac disease. If you aren't sure what that is the easiest way to describe it is an allergy to wheat and gluten, however, it isn't really an allergy, it's an autoimmune disease. This means absolutely no wheat or gluten for me. Do you know how many great foods have wheat and gluten?? Cookies, cakes, brownies, chips, soy, worchestshire sauce, pasta, BREAD...the list goes on and on. So after lots of mourning I am trying to look at the positive. I will most definantly be more healthy. Fast food is out and most high calorie foods. Just those two things makes me health scale jump quite quickly. Another positive, I was diagnosed in this century!! Heck, I'm just happy to not have been diagnosed 4 years ago. There is SO much more available to me then those who have been diagnosed before me. In fact, the best place for me to look when I start to feel down is at the Gluten Free Girl's blog. This woman gives me hope and confidence. She has awesome recipes and her husband is a chef so they wrote a cookbook together. She has an amazing outlook on life and food, I hope to adopt it myself.

In this midst of this very large change for me I am still watching my sweet friend go through the ups and downs as what I can only describe as adoption hell. I hate watching her pain. I want to be able to wipe away her tears and know that she won't have more. Unfortunately, the birth mother thinks playing games is far too much fun. She constantly says she has changed her mind and then flakes on appointments. She has know brought another couple into this whole mess, not to mention, DCFS, the police, attorneys...like I said adoption hell. I don't understand how someone can be so heartless. I don't understand how people, like this second couple, can enter this kind of situation knowingly and try to make themselves seem more appealing to the birth mother than the couple whom have gone to 5 months of doctor's appointments with her, held her hand when they thought she was in early labor, have shown her the nursey, told her the names and even bought things for her 2 year old so she wouldn't feel left out when the babies (did I mention this involves twins) were born.  Watching all of this from the outside makes me wonder if I would be strong enough to endure what my friend has. Could I handle it or would I have a nervous breakdown? Would I even get out of bed? I don't know if I have told her, and shame on me if I haven't, but I admire her for all her strength and faith. I know she sometimes feels like she isn't handling this well, but just the fact that she gets out of bed every day makes her one of my heroes. She even  took me to the doctor yesterday and dropped off Olivia at a birthday party. I sat here tonight and thought, "how does she do it?". I have a child, but when I get invited to baby showers, I don't go. My own family members cringe when they have baby news. But my awesome, courageous friend goes on and I love and admire her for it.

I guess that is pretty much all that has been going on, that mixed with the every day ins and outs of life. It may not seem like much, but it has felt like so much. And dear friend, if you read this I know you will make it. I'm here when you need me because I always know you are there for me. Late at night, early in the morning, middle of the day when it seems like it won't quit raining, I know you are there and I hope you know I am too.